So Cliche...So Cliche

Its time for a new scene at the office Christmas Party. How many blogs, articles, warnings, urban legends do we have to tell before people stop misbehaving at the office christmas party?

And Still..........

My friend's office had a party the theme was the carnival scene from Grease. There was home spun cotton candy, games for prizes, rides, clowns (aaaarggggh), the whole ball of wax.

My friend's Supervisor is kind of odd she brought me along as a casual observer of the madness she endures from day to day. Some of his oddities:

• His wife is a stay at home wife and they have no kids so she comes and sits on the couch in his office twice a week and knits
• He sells his direct reports health powders so they won't call in sick
• He falls asleep in his own meetings while others are talking
• His lunch has a theme "color" each day. Today I'm eating all red foods, green foods, orange foods, etc.

So the stage was already set for hilarity when she told me there was an open bar at her Christmas Party. I was excited about it since I had already excercised the needed restraint of a Senior Executive at my own Christmas Party and was therefore free to cut up at someone else's without risk to my own fifedom.

I was introduced to said boss who saddled up to my darling friend almost upon walking in the door. He was about a foot shorter to me and I had the misfortune to have the foot difference be right in my boobs which he prompted to try to get lost in. After "accidentally" stepping on his brown loafers with my 5.5 inch stiletto boots (Thanks Christian Laboutin, you ROCK), he wisely escorted us to the bar where I was sad to find had none of my favorite guys (Jack, Jim, Johnny Black or Blue, or Jose) Oh well its a double malibu and coke for Ebs......

My friend got a wine spritzer...(Loser!) Her Boss? Got a drink for EACH hand and he was off and rolling. Here are the highlights by rounds:

• Drink Round One -- Asking people if they wanted to play count the Santa Game. One of the Santas was on his underwear and he didn't mind showing them which Santa they missed in the count
• Drink Round Two -- Went on the bumper cars and failed to get off the derby in time when his turn ended and the next group of people started driving cars; spent that go round stumbling trying to not get hit; didn't work people were gunning for him
• Drink Round Three (remember these are two drinks for him per round) -- Tried to relieve Santa (the real one not the one in his pants) of his duties but only for the pretty women, the real santa could keep the ugly ones. Began picking out the ugly ones and trying to create two lines
• Drink Round Four -- Started puking

We left and went to a real party after that but the boss fiasco was not over by any means. My friend crashed at our place because she was too drunk to get home properly. At 5 AM her loud ass Verizon phone went off. Her flipping text message ringtone is the sound of a train barreling through a friggin tunnel. Not cool sweets especially since an Ebs before 11 AM is not a pretty or pleasant Ebs...well pretty maybe but definitely not pleasant

She risked provoking the bear and waking me off for this gem of a text message:

"Please come pick me up and drive me home. I passed out under a trailer last night some cats peed on me and I can't find my Santa underwear." Mr. Bossman

Surprisingly? This man got an end of year bonus AND is still keeping his job. My Friend? Got a $500 gift certificate to Nordstrom's to keep her silence. He forgot about me!!! I'll remind him of that when I take her to lunch in the new year......I still have to make up for that damn Sephora fiasco the other day...I'm gunnin for you Sephora

PS -- The friggin drinks at Gamewerks and STRONG!!! Two zombies knocked me the hell out. I was skipping through downtown Long Beach in my hooker boots feelin no pain. That was hot!!!!!