Monday, February 11, 2008

Disturbed and Traumatized

Something is going on in LA on the highways. No I am not talking about the traffic. I'm talking about something much more devastating: Roadkill! I have gotten used to the occasional struck dog, cat or other wildlife. And when I say occasional I mean I've seen maybe 3 in my lifetime. But for the last month or so, I have seen MULTIPLE dead animals lying in the roadway on both the North and South sides of the freeway going to and from work EVERYDAY. Its upsetting, especially early in the morning when I'm already on edge. The killer thing is, they're starting to pile up because we have a significant lack of people with the culinary fortitude and/or pallet to turn these misfortunes in gastronomic paradise.
So LA drivers, I'm imploring you to watch out, and to the animal kingdom, please look before you leap, I'm seriously starting to have some issues I may need to work out with therapy.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

$25 for a Second Bag

So the other day I read an article where flippin United Airlines is going to charge $25 for a second checked bag. This may not put the fear of God in most people but it shakes me to the core. For any trip where I'm attending multiple events of different natures in one day, I have a FOUR BAG MINIMUM! That's right a four bag minimum....Why you ask?

Most of my clothes are teeney tiny so they go in my roller which I carry on along with my Euro Trash Big Mama purse with all of the pockets and compartments that houses:
  • my pills (necessary for flight and sleep)
  • two pairs of sunglasses (black and brown, I am a Fashionista)
  • two phones (Blackberry and Cute club purse phone)
  • good book or two (I hate airline magazines and SkyMall makes me wanna hurl)
  • My Zune
  • Power cords for all of my accoutrements
  • Airline facial kit (yes I invented it, I don't like "plane face"
  • Makeup bag
  • Candy
  • Wallet and ID

Because of the "hair gel terrorists" and the people who smuggled a fake bomb in some cheese, I now have to check my vintage LV train case which they have not treated kindly. This case has all my beauty supplies and toiletries. I love it but its going to have to retire soon and the thought feels me with dread.

My second checked bag is my "shoe" bag its the bag with my various ho heels, belts and some other ancillary items like my fun fur.

They want to charge me for my second bag now to offset their fuel costs. They're not going to treat my bags any better, they're not going to give me the buttery pretzels I asked for instead of the straight water no taste ones. They're not even going to make sure my pillow and blankie are absolutely clean.

According to the article, more airlines will follow. That makes me sad and mad. I was proud of myself that I had gotten down to just three bags, I gave myself a cookie now I have to add another $25 onto my travel budget.......thanks!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Letter to my Healthy Friends and Loved Ones

Last serious post and then we'll get back to our regularly scheduled comedic programming:

A Letter to the Healthy World from the Land of Chronic Pain and Fatigue
1. FMS is not the newest fad disease. In fact, it isn't a disease at all, and it isn't even new. In 1815, a surgeon at the University of Edenburgh, William Balfour, described fibromyalgia. Over the years, it has been known as chronic rheumatism, myalgia and fibrositis. Unlike diseases, syndromes do not have a known cause, but they do have a specific set of signs and symptoms which, unfortunately for the patient, take place together. Rheumatoid arthritis and lupus are also syndromes.
2. The many physical and emotional problems associated with FMS are not psychological in origin. This is not an "all in your head" disorder. In 1987, the American Medical Association recognized FMS as a true physical illness and major cause of disability.3. Syndromes strike life-long athletes as viciously as they do couch potatoes. They can be disabling and depressing, interfering with even the simplest activities of daily life.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
1. My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is real.
2. My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability.
3. My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all.
4. My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.
5. My sensitivities - I just can't stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the "aggravating everything disorder." So don't make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can't stand it.
6. My intolerance - I can't stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I sweat...profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire. Both are equally embarrassing, so please don't feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don't be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it's cold. I don't tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.
7. My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.
8. My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.
9. My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appetite is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it.
10. My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don't envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot-filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.
11. My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well or that I have been cured. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going.
12. My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else.I hope that this helps you understand me, but if you still doubt my pain, your local bookstore, library and the internet have many good books and articles on fibromyalgia.
Author's note: This letter is based on communications with people throughout the world, males and females, who suffer from fibromyalgia. It does not represent any one of the over 10,000,000 people with FMS, but it can help the healthy person understand how devastating this illness can be.
Please do not take these people and their pain lightly.
You wouldn't want to spend even a day in their shoes...or their bodies.written by Mickie and Rose from www.fibrowelcomepackage.com

Why I Drink the Juice

Very few people know about my illness...I have Fibromyalgia. On the outside I look like a well put together LA Hottie, but underneath it all I'm struggling to stay awake and struggling to stay pain free. Recently, my loved ones introduced me to a company that produces a product that makes all of the difference in my life:
Here is my story:
Four years ago I started experiencing exteme fatigue, pain in my joints, severe stomach aches. I could barely get out of bed most mornings. I couldn't understand why a girl in her twenties who spent hours in the gym could stay out all night partying and still go to work the next day suddenly felt like an immobile 60 year old.
Naturally, I made an appointment to see my doctor. To any business GP, I would have seemed like a hypochondriac. Thankfully my GP takes an active interest in his patients and really likes to get to the root of whats wrong with you rather than dismissing you. He ran every test possible and eventually came to a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. I was familiar with the disease because my little sister had been diagnosed with it a few years prior and I knew the news was not good. My sister barely made it through her senior year of High School battling this disorder and my lifestyle was going to be severly impeded.
Unfortunately, even though it had been a few years since my sister's diagnosis, the field of medicine had not made much progress in finding a cause or coming up with anything that would help to alleviate the symptoms. My GP believes in wholistic and traditional medicine so he prescribed a program of diet, nutrition and exercise. The problem was I had to summon the energy to go to the gym and eat right when most days I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and cry. I left his office fairly deflated but determined. There were a number of good things in my life at the time and I was determined to enjoy them.
Forcing myself to the gym and getting rid of a lot of toxic things in my body helped me to stay fairly symptom free for about two years but that kind of regime is hard to maintain especially when life gets in the way. I still was doing my research and trying to stay up to date with what Health and Science was doing. Several support groups sprang up as the disorder got more press and the insurance companies finally acknowledged it as a disease and started covering some of the treatments such as physical therapy and massage but still no direct cause and cure.
I found out about a doctor who had "cured" himself of the disorder and by coincidence he was right in Marina Del Rey so I booked myself an appointment and filled myself with hope that I was finally going to get some answers. I arrived at Dr. St. Amand's office and he was like a grandfather so warm and caring. He let me cry in his office because 3 years of frustration and searching were finally met with someone who could fully explain what was going on in my body and who could empathize with what I was feeling.
Dr. St Amand's "cure" was curiously Guafinisine, the primary ingredient in Mucinex. Great all I had to do was take this pill and I would be ok. Not so fast!!!!! Guafinisine had two major drawbacks: (1) Figuring out your dose was a trial an error period and during that time, the symptoms are severely exacerbated, (2) plant and vegetable minerals block out the effects of guafinisine which calls for a DRASTIC change in lifestyle. The nurse took me to a closet jam packed with items I could no longer use to brush my teeth, moisturize my skin, and keep my hair shiny. To the average person reading this, it may sound like a small swap to be symptom free but try giving up the things that make you feel like a woman or having to check labels when picking up simple items from the store and you will see my dilemma. My hats off to Dr. St. Amand because he has progressed really far and is spiriting the efforts to get infants tested and vaccinated shortly after birth, but for me that was too much of a change. I filled the prescription but only lasted through one week of the trial and error dose period.
Life went on and I continued to try to manage my symptoms myself. A few months ago things got scary. I was in my office wrapping up my day when I suddenly got the familiar chills to the point where my bones ached terribly, I felt groggy and tired, and I started shaking. I left and attempted to drive home from the office. At some point in my commute, a fugue state took over and I fell asleep driving home on the 110 South freeway and almost wrecked the car. By the grace of God I made it home and I went to bed and stayed there for two days straight in the worst pain of my life. I went to my GP as soon as I could and was prescribed a protocol of three medicines: one to get up, one to fight inflammation, and one to sleep at night. I tried this routine for three days and it left me a groggy, sleepy, drugged mess. I needed to find a better way.
God was looking out for me once again, coincidentally during this time my husband and best friend were both introduced to MonaVie from two different sources and they both felt it would help. If you know me personally, then you know that I find anything that appears to be a "get rich quick scheme" distasteful and tacky; So when my husband and best friend introduced me to MonaVie, my first reaction wasn't one of excited anticipation. But after looking at the science behind MonaVie. . . I was impressed.Before diving in and even TASTING the juice, I did my own research. Here's what I found independent of the corporate website from Lisa Bergman, a source who runs a "scam buster" site that investigates Multi Level Marketing organizations:
What MonaVie Is
MonaVie is a proprietary blend of 19 or so fruit juices, including blueberry, cranberry, white grape and pear. But the star of the MonaVie show is a little-known Amazonian berry called acai. Sold in ready-to-drink packages or convenient concentrates, MonaVie offers, according to its distributors, "the phytonutrients and antioxidants you need".
What MonaVie Is Supposed To Do For You
The first thing that struck us in doing research for this article is the lack of "miracle" claims made about MonaVie. We couldn't find a single MonaVie website claiming that MonaVie was anything more than a highly nutritious fruit juice. And in an atmosphere full of other juice products claiming to treat everything from diabetes to the common cold, MonaVie's marketing was a very, very refreshing change.So what is MonaVie supposed to do for you? Well, Dr. Nicholas Perricone, author of The Perricone Promise and other books, calls the acai berry "nature's perfect energy fruit". Dr. Perricone and others believe that the anti-inflammatory activities of many of MonaVie's ingredients may help alleviate symptoms of arthritis, psoriasis, fibromyalgia and a host of other conditions.
What SCIENCE Says About MonaVie
Many of the various fruites and berries in MonaVie have been used for centuries to combat inflammation-related conditions and today there's mounting evidence that those ancient healers were right. A number of studies looking at blueberries, raspberries and other fruits suggest that these foods may have strong anti-inflammatory properties.Does this make MonaVie a "cure all"? Certainly not; but some of the research on MonaVie's various components is compelling, to say the least.
Lisa's Opinion of MonaVie (Lisa Bergan)
You already know that I'm not a huge fan of the multi-level-marketing approach, especially when it comes to health care products. Too often, products like MonaVie are peddled by "wellness consultants" with absolutely no education in health, herbalism or natural medicine. That sets up a potentially troubling situation in which you have unqualified "practitioners" dispensing health advice to customers who aren't aware of their lack of training. After reading this information I was even more impressed.
Still concerned about the idea of a Multi Level Marketing Program, I spoke to a high ranking distributor and was impressed by the ethical way the product was presented and the detailed product, notice I say product not SALES training distributors are given so that they present the product in the proper light and inform their consumers. I tried the juice and after 5 months, I am having more pain free and energetic days. Is my fibromyalgia gone, by no means and in times when the pain is too much to bear I still have to resort to the medicines my doctor prescribed but I don't have to take them EVERYDAY as prescribed. My skin is balanced, my hair is healthy and I feel great all around along with my friends and family who are drinking the juice too.
Not only am I happy to be feeling better myself, I am proud to support an organization who gives back to the land that gives so much to so many people through the MORE Project. If you want more information please contact me at lifeisintheberry@live.com.
Thanks for reading...God Bless
xoxo
Ebs
References:Lau, F., Bielinski, D., Joseph, J. (2006). Inhibitory effects of blueberry extract on the production of inflammatory mediators in lipopolysaccharide-activated BV2 microglia.Lansky, E., Newman, R. (2007). Punica granatum (pomegranate) and its potential for prevention and treatment of inflammation and cancer.Goncalves, F., Torres, O., Campos, A., Tambara, F., Rocha, L., Thiede, A., et al. (2006). Effect of Passiflora edulis (passion fruit) extract on rats' bladder wound healing: morphological study.Schaus, A., Wu, X., Prior, R., Ou, B., Huang, D., Ownes, J., et al. (2006). Antioxidant capacity and other bioactivities of the freeze-dried Amazonian palm berry, Euterpe oleraceae mart. (acai).

Choice

Today is a day of choice, actually we are in a season of choice. No matter if you vote yes or no; Hilary, Barack, McCain, Romney, Huckleby, or Paul, MAKE A CHOICE.
Choose to be the one who is always thirty मिनुतेस earlyor the one who always is late to make an entrance. Choose to be the one who changes the world or the one who lets change happen. Choose to be the one everyone looks at or the one who silently moves in the background. Choose to be the one who stays at home, goes to work, or the one who does both beautifully.
Whatever you choose, stand by your choice, and if it turns out your choice is wrong in someone else's eyes..............smile at them graciously and be confident your choice was right FOR YOU.

If I Were a Plastic Surgeon

If I were a plastic surgeon I would move to Newport Beach and set up a shop strictly dedicated to CORRECTIVE Surgery. I would also have a psychiatrist on staff to tell the woman with the pussy lips that more collagen would be a mistake. Why this sudden altruistic idea? Because I spent my Superbowl Sunday "behind the orange curtain" and it was not pretty! I am in no way against plastic surgery. A little nip and tuck here is fine if you feel the need to "freshen up". I wish now I had the foresight to bring my digi cam because words cannot do the scene justice but I will try
  • A lady dressed from head to toe in blue leather complete with blue stilletos with cowboy fringe attached to the heel. Her nose was the size of the smallest nose in the Mr. Potatoe head playset. Her head was a teeny tiny baby head and she had pussy lips on her face
  • A "lady" who used to be a man but now was a woman. We saw her leave with several men and each time after about 10 minutes the man came back looking frightened and embarassed. Ironically, the shemale had enough knowledge to forgo the pussy lips at least on his face I can't say for sure what was going on south of the border
  • A lady who was going bald from bleaching her hair platinum blonde but decided that pasting extensions would help out (it didn't). She also had on a white fur shaw and matching tea cup maltese. It was raining and overcast that day so naturally she had sunglasses on. She had BIG Pussy lips (my apologies to the sopranos)
  • A man with a long ponytail who was a professional network marketer. One of his companies involved the peddling of latex clothing to sex shops and porn production sites. He gave me his card and told me to call him if I wanted to model for his business cards. Sweet! A second career. Did I mention he did this right in front of my husband.
  • A lady with bad hair extensions curly on top and straight at the bottom looked like she put the trash from the doggy grooming place on her head. She had "on the way to becoming" pussy lips
  • A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
  • A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
  • A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
  • A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
  • A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
  • A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
  • A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips

Is the point clear? I thought so. Oh and I forgot the two kickers for the evening:

1. At the end several old old old old drunk ladies; their faces looked 97 but the rest of them looked 210. One of them was calling for Raymond to get on the bus and Raymond did not want to be found but that didn't keep her from bellowing and crawling on a table. sigh...she's probably someone's gammy

2. The woman who was so fascinated with men who put gel in their hair she kept touching my husband's hair to see if it was crunchy or soft. When I told her if she reached out again she'd pull back a nub she stopped.

Oh Newport Beach you're such ripe pickins for the right surgeon!