A Bone to Pick with Fluffy

I have a bone to pick with Sean John/P.Diddy/Diddy/Puffy/Puff Daddy/Sean Puffy Combs. Well actually several bones. But let me start here, Eligh Porter the "special person" in the video above, spits hotter fire, Please sign him to Bad Boy and assign him all of your guest appearances...please please please...

1. The friggin name changes. Everyone knows I'm not a HUGE fan but 90% of his cuts land on my "Guilty Pleasures" Playlist on my Zune. I had to create that list BECAUSE OF HIM. Whenever I wanted to hear a cut, I had to figure out which name he recorded it under and it causes issues. Also, besides that point the name changes are just ridiculous

2. Recycling. For years now he's been remixing songs like a zillion times and I eventually became ok with that, but allowing the same rap on several different songs is just ridiculous. I heard the same TI rap on several different Fluffy remixes and it fit the original song it was made for the other ones it just made no sense at all and was just lazy...that sucks..I'm sure in the Bad Boy roster of abandoned artisist someone could have ripped out a few simple bars (Black Rob Anyone?) to avoid the monotony

3. His Guest Appearance. The other day I was listening to satellite and I've grown to like Donnie the new Bad Boy Justin Timberlake but Fluffy's verse on that song:


Excuse me lady, how you doin Have my baby I'm just screwin around I'm crazy Baby girl I'm night and dayin Taste you girl, don't stop your lovin Everytime you stop the frontin I'll pop your oven You should in fact stay Could be that way I'm good in that way Hood in that way I'll be your lover, your favorite color We outerspacing, we breathe each other Your in a tantra I got the answer I'll twist you back up, Its hard to stand up I'm yours it's on, yes baby girl you're f**king with Sean Ride wit a don, foreign languages, lets play Pong Take off your outfit and lets be gone

Why Fluffy why? Just dumb dumb dumb. Pong references, popping an oven don't you mean pop the hood? What's wrong with you? You messed up the song, Donnie should have said no but then again him and seven even with all of the smoke in the studio were probably terribly afraid you'd make them get you some cheesecake or another name change paper. Please stop rapping.

I do however have a gasp, apology for Fluffy, I'm sorry Britney stole you're opening of "Its Bad Boy Bitch" and made it her own in "Piece of Me" by saying "Its Britney Bitch" but then again now you must know how it feels when you take other peoples "children" and desecrate them with rhymes that would make Dr. Seuss grown.

Off of the Wagon

I have blown my diet and exercise plan officially! Too many super stoked vodka and cokes. My stomach is in a permanent state of "ache" and I'm craving junk food. Not good. I'm "Pilate-ing" it out all weekend to detox. Hopefully my tummy will have that lovely "empty" vibe again on Monday...wish me luck!

Step AWAY from the Computer

Yesterday I posted about my Mummy and her text messaging issues (http://luvmyshelltoes.blogspot.com/2008/04/if-your-mom-needs-cell-phone-get-her.html). The blog was a joke. I was by no means advocating Jitterbug as a company. I think the commercials are hilarious but some people spend way too much time in front of a computer, they miss the subtle nuances of comedic writing because they don't interact with people and they get all of their life experiences from the Internet. Here are two comments to the funny post about my mother and her text messaging:

2 CommentsClose this window Jump to comment form

mark said...
I must disagree with the first reviewer, sound like he got a few $$$ from Jitterbug to post on the blog!! :) My father, now 70 and an engineer, had the Jitterbug phone and it was a complete disaster. The customer service was horrible, the plan was expensive (he actually used the phone - Jitterbug plan is great if you speak very very little), and phone looked like a toy. I don't like to bash companies but he tells me that a few of his friends had similar problems. To boot, turns out the company is venture backed, he didn't was to sign up and then have the company 'turn out' the lights. The big phone co's have their share of problems but Jitterbug has a long way to go if it doesn't run out of $$.
April 11, 2008 4:00 AM
Straight said...
I agree with the second reviewer....Jitterbug is having lots of problems. I bought the phone for my mother as a gift, two weeks later she asked me to return it. She felt terrible but said the service was terrible and she just wanted a normal phone. No need reminding mom that she's getting old....I mean older!! ;)
April 11, 2008 4:14 AM

Mark and Straight -- you two really should leave the computer and go to a bar or a club or a lounge SOMETHING where human interaction exists and you start to once again understand what it means to be KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Returning

Coming back from Seattle was uneventful. I was dead to the world tired and I still had a private dance session to go through...(what was I thinking). I rushed and got my bags and headed to long term parking at Long Beach only to discover that genius that I am, I had left my headlights on for FIVE DAYS. Seriously Ebbie.

No worries AAA saved the day and got me to Soultree on time where I danced my booty off literally, it was sweaty when I was done and I went home and slept for what felt like three days.

Yaaay sleep!

If Your Mom Needs a Cell Phone Get Her a Jitterbug

I've been seeing these commercials for Jitterbug Cellphones lately. No muss no fuss. Its a cellphone for older people with BIG ASS buttons and friendly people who help you make calls and save phone numbers. At first I thought, "How insulting." but on second thought after dealing with my Mother and the ridiculousness of her text messaging this week I'm all for it. I don't think Jitterbugs allow Jittertexts which is cool cool cool. A few months ago my family's cell phone plan was up for new phone upgrades and my Mom got a fab new phone which she still does not know how to use. For the past few months whenever she wants to take a picture with her phone, one of us needs to be with her to assist. Not to mention when she wants to look at her text messages or dial on the phone she has to put on her reading glasses. My Mother is a former model so that just looks odd. Nevertheless we were willing to let all of this slide until the other day. My Mother got a text message with some pop culture abbreviations and left several distressed messages on both me and my sister's phones because she couldn't decipher the message. We resolved the emergency but my sister jokingly told my mother she should go to Verizon's site and look at the abbreviation chart they have there. Little did we know she would take Andrea seriously. Low and behold I stopped and my Mother's house for a visit and what was prominently displayed on her dresser? A printout of every conceivable text message abbreviation complete with yellow highlights on the ones she thought were cutests. The kicker came later that day when we were out shopping and she wanted to send a text message. She stopped in the middle of the mall to pull out her abbreviation sheet along with her reading glasses and proceeded to block mall traffic for thirty minutes while she pecked out:

I'll c u 2mrrw...

Sigh.....

My Seattle Spring Fling

Dashing Off

Thursday dawned with me majorly excited. It was finally time for my annual Seattle Spring Fling. Seattle is my sister city. I love it there and my dear dear Mellie is there not to mention Icon Grill, Joey's, and the Supes. I woke up stressed because I still had grown things to do before I caught the plane. It was time for the BEA Committee Meeting which starts at 8:30 in the morning and meant I had to pack my bags, load up the car and head to the meeting so I could make my plane out of Long Beach. It was cool I wasn't stressed. What did disturb me is that 1). Everyone at the meeting knows I'm a professional but since I was getting on a plane I had to attend in my Bebe Warmup Suit with the rhinestones down the sides and my retro patent leather J's and 2). The woman who chairs the committee and is older than my mother had on jeans that had rhinestones down the sides too. Sigh. Meeting adjourned. I dash out and hit the airport. Long Beach is a teeny tiny airport so security is never an issue and I'm assured that they will take care of my Luggage and that all of the Louis clan will arrive intact. However, I have to acknowledge a member of the family on retirement. The lovely vintage train case that has travelled around the world several times and was finally done in by Alaska Airlines did not accompany her sister and brother on this outing. I successfully packed my toiletries in the super secret compartment of Roller Louis without sacrificing my fashionista gear! Yaaay me! What I managed to forget due to overcrowding is the famous Airline Facial Kit which meant I was going to get off the plane looking like the mayor from Roger Rabbit after he had been revealed as a Toon. Oh well. I got through most of the flight due to a good book "I Know this much is True" by Wally Lamb. Its emotional and I've read it a ton of times but its one of the most touching stories ever written. I also had my trusty Zune and its 5000 tunes to keep me rocking while I read and slept off and on. Two women who were sisters sat behind me on the plane and they were in their 80s. One lived in LA and one in Seattle. They prattled on about days gone by and how much fun they had. It made me smile a bit as I thought that one day that would be me and Mel! Just not in polyester pants and orthopedic shoes. The plane touched down finally and I sprinted to the baggage claim because natch my stomach was all up in knots about whether my baggage would be there. Roller Louis came down but duffle Louis was a no show AGAIN as the carousel stopped. Lights started flashing and I immediately whipped out the mobile to tell Mel of my plight. As I was weaving my tale of woe about my shoes, a guy who was in down for the opening of Razor Clam Season (seriously) and who had greasy hair and one tooth said "Relax they're just shoes". I would expect that from someone who's baggage included a shovel and rubber boots. I tried to ignore him but he kept leering/smiling at me. I? Do not look like a Razor Clam so I'm not sure why. Finally, Duffle Louis made her appearance and all was right with the world as she not only housed my shoes but my workout clothes, purses, and other acoutrements. Mellie whipped around and scooped me up and the giggles began. We headed over to get our toes and nails done (polish change for me; mani pedi for Mel) and began plotting what to eat first.

Not Starting Off Well

While I love Mellie dearly, I'm also partial to the food choices here in the Emerald City. I live off of Icon Grill's Mac n Cheese. They have a sister restaurant which serves the same menu called Zephyr Grill. Since we were in Kent we decided to have our Crack N Cheese there. I ordered Bruschetta and Crack along with the famous Orange Drop. The Orange Drop didn't disappoint, however the bruschetta tasted like sewage and then woe of all woes, my Crack N Cheese came out with my favorite extra tomato snow but something was wrong with the tomatoes too. I immediately began to worry about the tomato crop in the United States which made me worry about me because I love tomatoes and my life would definitely be empty without them. We sadly plowed through our food but couldn't finish she took the food off of the bill so we drank more. We then headed over to the cutest little salon for our nails and toes. Its called Peridot and its adorable. I had one of the best polish changes ever and we met two girls who looked like they were seniors in high school but were actually on their third tour going to Iraq. They had gotten "Stop Lossed" which was crazy because I had just seen that movie and am still outraged. We had a very frank discussion and wished them well. Those girls will be in my prayers. They were so adorable and full of life and I'm saddened that they have to go back....God Speed!

At this point I was starting to feel the effects of my 5:30 am wake up call and Mellie needed a nap too. We had planned to see this R&B singer she knew about who is awesome so we headed to Bellevue to nap. I woke up not feeling so well but we pushed on. I really wish I would have been feeling better because Michael is an amazing musician and I now will always include a Thursday night in my itinerary because i want to see him ALL of the time. AMAZING. By the end of the night I was wheezing pretty heavily and starting to feel a bit of the familiar pains and I needed to get to bed. Plane rides are hard for Fibromyalgia sufferers. By 2 AM I was dying; we called my physician who prescribed an inhaler over th ephone but Walgreen's was not cooperating. Mellie rushed me to the hospital where I could barely stand. They took me right away and my breathing was down to 60 normal is above 300. I got some breathing treatments and some prescriptions and all was right with the world again. I forget how for granted we take a simple thing like breathing until you can't do it. We headed back to the house and slept off the worry. Friday dawned and I was still a little shaky but way better, thank god.

The Adventures of a Naughty Nurse and an 80s Coke Whore

Friday was the day of the Supes game against the Houston Rockets. We also had a Black and White Party to go to with very confusing instructions. Apparently in email invite #1 it was black and white attire with special vip entrance to invited guests who wore red. I was very nervous about this while I was still in LA because I have no red dresses that are party attire. I have red dresses that are cocktail party attire but not get your boogie on appropriate. Email invite #2 goes out and the red dress plans were squashed and we're back to black and white which was perfect because I had a sexy white dress. Mellie, who's been plotting to wear her 80s coke whore red dress since her trip to LA a few months ago, was still planning on red.

MAC introduced a new makeup line and it being a party night, Mellie had made arrangements for our makeup to be professional which is cool I'm always up for a Mac Makeover. My favorite Seattle artist was busy and I got stuck with the one with pimples on her chin which worried me. I mean you're in the beauty industry and you want to smear things on my face but your face is looking a little suspect. I sucked it up and she did a good job and even made some good recommendations, I still want to recommend Epicuren to her. We did some LIGHT shopping and had a quick snack then headed to the house to change for the game.

Prior to the game we decide to hit up Mainstage which is a bar across the street from the Supes Arena for some drinks. I have no idea what to order so we end up with Mai Tais with extra thimbles of rum.......so its going to be THIS kind of weekend! Flashes of Mel's BDay Week come swimming in my Percocet affected head and I start to giggle. While we are enjoying our drinks, a guy who looks like Anthony Edwards from "ER" starts chatting with Mellie. Now Mellie is a season ticket holder and she frequents this place so I figure she knows him.....Nope! He was a random guy. He starts talking about patients so naturally I ask if he's a doctor he says yes I'm a chiropractor and starts prattling on about how he's a real doctor and has a house in Magnolia and an ex wife who costed him a bundle but he's a real doctor. He buys us drinks which we were leary of but free drinks are free drinks. Apparently he's a regular the bartender knew him and the owners are "patients". I think some girl ended up in his freezer in that house in Magnolia but that's just me. We headed over to the game by halftime and I'm not quite sure who won. We left prior to the finish because we had to get tarted up for the evening. Our usual hotel change plan was not an option as our clothes were a little too hooker to change into in a hotel bathroom. We stopped over at the house to change into: The 80s Coke Whore and The Naughty Nurse:

When I first bought the dress it didn't dawn on me that I would look qualified to give a hot sponge bath but it worked and I looked hot. We were definitely stunners and dressed for all of the shenenigans that ensued..mostly caused by us. After scoring rock star parking in front of the club we head in and Mellie is told she gets a VIP band because she has on red. I'm like but the rules changed and the lady was like I know it was confusing you can have a wrist band too which was good because my lip was way poked out. We check our coats and head for the bar upstairs in the VIP. The alcohol for the night was rum since we had started out with Mai Tais and neither of us wanted to be sick. I got Mango Rum with Cherry Coke...yummmm and we were off. We posted up on the balcony to watch the ridiculousness slowly unfolding on the dancefloor.

The DJ at the club was EXCELLENT and I even walked away with a free mix CD which was so hot I had to send him a text message of how good a job they did. He and his posse were totally taken with us and bought us drinks for most of the night which was cool because they were drinks with NO STRINGS!!! We made many song requests one of which sadly could not be filled but will make it to the next party! As the club filled, so did the dance floor. It was interesting to see everyone's play on Black and White. On party posse decided to go "Sporty Spice" and dress alike complete with White trimmed black shades...not a good look. Then wonders of wonder a rather large fellow sporting black and white stripes begins a scary dance on the floor reminiscent of the "got to get away" guy on the southwest commercial who knocks over the DJ booth. By this time Mel and I have put away a significant number of drinks so we start throwing dollars down from the balcony...why I don't know it seemed the natural thing to do. The guy is so into his dancing he doesn't see the slight snow flurry and so the dollars kind of fall to the way side. One of the Black and White posse sees the dollar and she tries to play off picking it up by doing the "how low can you go" dance but when she gets as far as her flexibility will take her she still to far away from the dollar to pick it up inconspicuously so she dances away and we giggle. Then a guy shamelessly picks up the dollar and slides it into his pocket. Well now I'm indignant it wasn't meant for him. I hand Mellie my purse and strut downstairs. I walk up to the guy noticing the smile spreading across his face as this hot girl approaches him and I ask him "Did you just pick up a dollar?" His smile fades and he looks embarassed I was like, "it came from up there, it was for that guy, put it back.". He smiles and agrees. He asks if he can buy me a drink and I say no just put the dollar back on the floor please and prance back upstairs. By time I get there he still has not replaced the dollar so Mellie goes down to have a little tet a tet with him. He finally gives her the dollar. These two guys who had been upstairs with us watching this unfold are in hysterics by this time and are like that guy will never pick money up off the floor again. I agree. We got lots of laughs but the night was far from over. One thing about Seattle is that the luminaries of the town are fairly accessible, its like LA used to be before Paria and Lindsay hit the town. Its not uncommon for sports stars to mingle with the regular crowd and its not a super red velvet rope kind of place which is cools and makes it less stressful to be at a party. However, for us its still usually kind of hectic because of the sheer nature of who we are and the fact that our social circle tends to run in the same direction as the luminaries. There is one basketball player and his entourage who are always where we are. I just want to take these boys shopping because I'm only here 4 times out of the year and they tend to wear the same clothes to the parties and games everytime I'm here. There is always the question of whether they would be recognized or not because they made sure to wear red to ensure they would get into VIP....LOL! Anyway, we watched them flit from groupie to groupie for an hour or so laughing at the desperation and then laughing harder when the actual basketball player tried to go into the "little vip" and was asked where his wristband was while trying to explain to the bouncer who he was. He eventually had to pull out his id while little tiny guys freely bounced in and out of that little room unfettered....ha ha lol!

Back at the balcony, I began to smell something vaguely familiar. A cloyingly sweet yet annoying smell I recognized from yesteryear. It was coming from my right side so I turned in that direction and found myself face to face with a Jheri Curl. Wow! It was glistening and juicy. I didn't even know they still made products to keep that look tight! I tried to convince Mellie to take a picture but she wouldn't cooperate. Obviously we needed more drinks which we did. For some reason a guy in a sweater vest aka "youngblood" from Dead Presidents kept taking hunks out of Mellie's butt when he walked by and eventually she told him off. He stared glazed eyes at her and told me that my friend was scared I was like not quite just turned off! He didn't understand. We took a lap around the club saw that no one was fit for dancing and headed back up to VIP and reposted at the balcony. Low and behold there was a guy in a QBert Jacket with Gold Grillz that were so spectacular we had to get a picture:

He thought? We liked him and his teeth. We are so sending these pics to http://www.hotghettomess.com/. Everytime we passed him in the club he felt the need to grin. Shortly after that a guy who was 5'8 both horizontally and vertically decided he was brave enough to try to take me home. He reached up and tapped me on his shoulder and when I looked down I saw this portly fellow making hand gestures at me. There was a lot of shaking of his heavy gold jewelry and touting of his money making prowess. He then upped the ante by rubbing his belly and telling me that all of that could be my playground but my position is no one needs that much recess. Except maybe him. He needs some recess to run some laps. After my run in with the porker I noticed my girl needed some savin she had her mobile phone out and a rather scary looking guy had his out as well, I was like don't give him your number but her happy juice had taken over and she was taking no nonsense from me. Now she can't answer her phone if a number starting with 253 is calling which is problematic because that's Tacoma and she has actual friends in Tacoma. We're still crossing our fingers that she didn't actually give him her number and that he was just showing her pictures of his kid on his mobile phone...we hope and pray and cross our fingers.

After a brief appearance by Mellie's alter ego, the Kissing Bandit, we decided it was time to take our hot and tired asses back to Bellevue. We swung to Jack in the Box because I was in need of some grease to cut the alcohol and steady my stomach. Jack in the Box was crowded with Bellevue Trust Fund Babies and Sorority Girls and the line was ridiculous. Apparently we're celebrities because several people (all boys) recognized us from the Sonics game and we tried to get them to order our food for us but they had already paid. I decided to call the restaurant. The guy who answered the phone was like are you going to show up and I was like we're actually in the line we're the two girls in the really tiny dresses. Surprisingly, that didn't tip the hand in our favor as he did not believe that two hot girls would be in jack in the box so he hung up! We eventually placed our order and the waiter decided to express his love by giving us three scooping hands of hot sauce. Mellie will not have to buy hot sauce at all this year. Additionally, I was tempted to call Child Protective Services because it was 2:30 in the morning and a family was out with their children at Jack in the Box, I'm still disturbed by that. We grabbed our food and grubbed and then went to sleep. Surprisingly I bounded out of bed the next morning feeling GREAT! I did my Pilates workout and took a walk to 7 11 for coffee and water. Mel? was not doing as well we chilled the rest of the day planning to attend a charity party hosted by the Supes and the Denver Nuggets.......after a dinner at Joey's

Super Stoked Vodka and Cokes and a New Plan

I have to make at least one meal for Mellie when I'm in town and today I decided to make my chicken ginger fresh'wiches. I headed to Safeway and then to Whole Foods for supplies. Gassed up Mellie's car because we thought the party was in Tacoma and came back to fix a meal. We grubbed on the fresh'wiches and lemongrass Thai noodles which came out delish and continued to rest up. We knew we couldn't go whorish for the charity party so we went a little more upscale and cleaned up into nice looking ladies. We decided to dine at Joey's but opted for the Lake Union location as opposed to the Bellevue one to avoid the crowds. Parking was a challenge. Mellie has AMAZING parallel parking skills but for some reason it wasn't working right. I got out to direct but Mellie drives to fast and crunch! We moved up a little and ran away! We had steak lobster and several Super Stoked Vodka and Cokes. At some point during dinner I had to run to the bathroom. Working in a "green" building I am used to touchless toilets and their super sensitivity. They had not been working too well tonight. A girl got flustered and couldn't find the button to flush it manually. A very snooty lady got majorly upset at her lack of flushing the toilet and we tried to explain but she was determined to be a bia bia. She needed a few super stoked vodka and coke but not too many because she may have wanted to go to the bathroom again and face the horror. During the meal we noticed that the Denver Nuggets were still in Denver so how were they going to host an event plus the flyer was hosting a birthday part for some chick we didn't even recognize so we decided to skip it. We drank more which was not a problem and headed back home to tuck in and watch some VHDumb. But we looked good:

A Real Trip to Icon

Sunday was here and its my last day. Its also the day I came for, everyone who knows me knows I'm a football fan, but Mellie's love for the Supes and the Okie saga have made me a Supes Fan and I've always loved exciting players so Allen Iverson is one of my favorites. I was all excite for the game but a little sad as this is my last Supes game since they're probably moving and I've been hanging tough for two seasons now. :-(. We kicked the night off with a real trip to Icon Grill for REAL Crack n Cheese. My body is seriously craving veggies and salads so I had another wedge salad with my meal. The wedge salad at Icon is literally a work of art. I should have gotten a picture! We ordered Bellinis and our beloved Crack and soon we were all smiles:

On our way over to Icon we were quite concerned we were going to get the Bah Humbug waitress who looks like Misery but we were pleased to get our very attentive favoritie waiter with his super hot partner bartender who made sure we stayed happy. In addition to our Bellinis and Orange Drops, the bartender sent us over two speciality drinks which were delicious and probably not needed but welcome. We tipped both guys well and got another pic to seal the deal

AI Comes to Town

We headed over to the Arena where our good parking karma continued and we dashed in for the game. I found myself again sad and cheering in my heart for the Supes I even risked a run in with the scary Squatch because I was caught up in the moment. At halftime we headed to the bar of course and scored some icky cosmos because that pigheaded bartender seems to think that we need sour drinks not sweet ones and dashed our cosmos with actual lime juice and not rose's lime juice like we asked. We met these two guys and had a philospophical discussion about tattoos working out and pilates. Me and Mellie got a workout partner who will drive our asses when I'm in town and we headed back for the rest of the game. Double overtime and the Supes pulled it off to a standing ovation and I couldn't have been happier for them as bittersweet as it was.

Sweet Chili Wings and Strawberry Lemon Drops and an Amazing Friend
Surprisingly we were hungry again and we headed over to Joey's for appetizers and drinks. This time in Bellevue. We ordered Sweet Chili Wings, Super Stoked Vodka and Cokes, and Strawberry Lemon Drops oh and of course I needed another salad. Over nosh, we had one of the most frank and honest discussions. Our friendship, though comfortable is still new, its as old as my relationship with my husband so every visit is another layer. In the glow of the satisfaction of a good weekend and the comfort of a friend Mellie gave me so much inspiration and such a listening ear and I am so grateful she's there for me and my friend. Of course the emotion had to be evened out with hilarious recaps of the weekend in addition to funny observations of the patrons. There was the asian motorcycle guy who stumbled INTO the bar and ordered even more drinks. At one point the waitress was not moving fast enough (we agree) and he stumbled to the bar for more drinks and surprisingly was served. When we got back home we watched more VHDumb and retired to bed. Good Times. Good Times. Bye Seattle see you in the Summer for SeaFair!!!!!

Disturbed and Traumatized

Something is going on in LA on the highways. No I am not talking about the traffic. I'm talking about something much more devastating: Roadkill! I have gotten used to the occasional struck dog, cat or other wildlife. And when I say occasional I mean I've seen maybe 3 in my lifetime. But for the last month or so, I have seen MULTIPLE dead animals lying in the roadway on both the North and South sides of the freeway going to and from work EVERYDAY. Its upsetting, especially early in the morning when I'm already on edge. The killer thing is, they're starting to pile up because we have a significant lack of people with the culinary fortitude and/or pallet to turn these misfortunes in gastronomic paradise.

So LA drivers, I'm imploring you to watch out, and to the animal kingdom, please look before you leap, I'm seriously starting to have some issues I may need to work out with therapy.

$25 for a Second Bag

So the other day I read an article where flippin United Airlines is going to charge $25 for a second checked bag. This may not put the fear of God in most people but it shakes me to the core. For any trip where I'm attending multiple events of different natures in one day, I have a FOUR BAG MINIMUM! That's right a four bag minimum....Why you ask?

Most of my clothes are teeney tiny so they go in my roller which I carry on along with my Euro Trash Big Mama purse with all of the pockets and compartments that houses:

• my pills (necessary for flight and sleep)
• two pairs of sunglasses (black and brown, I am a Fashionista)
• two phones (Blackberry and Cute club purse phone)
• good book or two (I hate airline magazines and SkyMall makes me wanna hurl)
• My Zune
• Power cords for all of my accoutrements
• Airline facial kit (yes I invented it, I don't like "plane face"
• Makeup bag
• Candy
• Wallet and ID

Because of the "hair gel terrorists" and the people who smuggled a fake bomb in some cheese, I now have to check my vintage LV train case which they have not treated kindly. This case has all my beauty supplies and toiletries. I love it but its going to have to retire soon and the thought feels me with dread.

My second checked bag is my "shoe" bag its the bag with my various ho heels, belts and some other ancillary items like my fun fur.

They want to charge me for my second bag now to offset their fuel costs. They're not going to treat my bags any better, they're not going to give me the buttery pretzels I asked for instead of the straight water no taste ones. They're not even going to make sure my pillow and blankie are absolutely clean.

According to the article, more airlines will follow. That makes me sad and mad. I was proud of myself that I had gotten down to just three bags, I gave myself a cookie now I have to add another $25 onto my travel budget.......thanks!

Letter to my Healthy Friends and Loved Ones

Last serious post and then we'll get back to our regularly scheduled comedic programming:

A Letter to the Healthy World from the Land of Chronic Pain and Fatigue

1. FMS is not the newest fad disease. In fact, it isn't a disease at all, and it isn't even new. In 1815, a surgeon at the University of Edenburgh, William Balfour, described fibromyalgia. Over the years, it has been known as chronic rheumatism, myalgia and fibrositis. Unlike diseases, syndromes do not have a known cause, but they do have a specific set of signs and symptoms which, unfortunately for the patient, take place together. Rheumatoid arthritis and lupus are also syndromes.

2. The many physical and emotional problems associated with FMS are not psychological in origin. This is not an "all in your head" disorder. In 1987, the American Medical Association recognized FMS as a true physical illness and major cause of disability.3. Syndromes strike life-long athletes as viciously as they do couch potatoes. They can be disabling and depressing, interfering with even the simplest activities of daily life.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME

1. My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is real.

2. My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability.

3. My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all.

4. My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.

5. My sensitivities - I just can't stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the "aggravating everything disorder." So don't make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can't stand it.

6. My intolerance - I can't stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I sweat...profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire. Both are equally embarrassing, so please don't feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don't be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it's cold. I don't tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.

7. My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.

8. My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.

9. My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appetite is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it.

10. My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don't envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot-filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.

11. My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well or that I have been cured. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going.

12. My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else.I hope that this helps you understand me, but if you still doubt my pain, your local bookstore, library and the internet have many good books and articles on fibromyalgia.

Author's note: This letter is based on communications with people throughout the world, males and females, who suffer from fibromyalgia. It does not represent any one of the over 10,000,000 people with FMS, but it can help the healthy person understand how devastating this illness can be.

Please do not take these people and their pain lightly.

You wouldn't want to spend even a day in their shoes...or their bodies.written by Mickie and Rose from www.fibrowelcomepackage.com

Why I Drink the Juice

Very few people know about my illness...I have Fibromyalgia. On the outside I look like a well put together LA Hottie, but underneath it all I'm struggling to stay awake and struggling to stay pain free. Recently, my loved ones introduced me to a company that produces a product that makes all of the difference in my life:

Here is my story:

Four years ago I started experiencing exteme fatigue, pain in my joints, severe stomach aches. I could barely get out of bed most mornings. I couldn't understand why a girl in her twenties who spent hours in the gym could stay out all night partying and still go to work the next day suddenly felt like an immobile 60 year old.

Naturally, I made an appointment to see my doctor. To any business GP, I would have seemed like a hypochondriac. Thankfully my GP takes an active interest in his patients and really likes to get to the root of whats wrong with you rather than dismissing you. He ran every test possible and eventually came to a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. I was familiar with the disease because my little sister had been diagnosed with it a few years prior and I knew the news was not good. My sister barely made it through her senior year of High School battling this disorder and my lifestyle was going to be severly impeded.

Unfortunately, even though it had been a few years since my sister's diagnosis, the field of medicine had not made much progress in finding a cause or coming up with anything that would help to alleviate the symptoms. My GP believes in wholistic and traditional medicine so he prescribed a program of diet, nutrition and exercise. The problem was I had to summon the energy to go to the gym and eat right when most days I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and cry. I left his office fairly deflated but determined. There were a number of good things in my life at the time and I was determined to enjoy them.

Forcing myself to the gym and getting rid of a lot of toxic things in my body helped me to stay fairly symptom free for about two years but that kind of regime is hard to maintain especially when life gets in the way. I still was doing my research and trying to stay up to date with what Health and Science was doing. Several support groups sprang up as the disorder got more press and the insurance companies finally acknowledged it as a disease and started covering some of the treatments such as physical therapy and massage but still no direct cause and cure.

I found out about a doctor who had "cured" himself of the disorder and by coincidence he was right in Marina Del Rey so I booked myself an appointment and filled myself with hope that I was finally going to get some answers. I arrived at Dr. St. Amand's office and he was like a grandfather so warm and caring. He let me cry in his office because 3 years of frustration and searching were finally met with someone who could fully explain what was going on in my body and who could empathize with what I was feeling.

Dr. St Amand's "cure" was curiously Guafinisine, the primary ingredient in Mucinex. Great all I had to do was take this pill and I would be ok. Not so fast!!!!! Guafinisine had two major drawbacks: (1) Figuring out your dose was a trial an error period and during that time, the symptoms are severely exacerbated, (2) plant and vegetable minerals block out the effects of guafinisine which calls for a DRASTIC change in lifestyle. The nurse took me to a closet jam packed with items I could no longer use to brush my teeth, moisturize my skin, and keep my hair shiny. To the average person reading this, it may sound like a small swap to be symptom free but try giving up the things that make you feel like a woman or having to check labels when picking up simple items from the store and you will see my dilemma. My hats off to Dr. St. Amand because he has progressed really far and is spiriting the efforts to get infants tested and vaccinated shortly after birth, but for me that was too much of a change. I filled the prescription but only lasted through one week of the trial and error dose period.

Life went on and I continued to try to manage my symptoms myself. A few months ago things got scary. I was in my office wrapping up my day when I suddenly got the familiar chills to the point where my bones ached terribly, I felt groggy and tired, and I started shaking. I left and attempted to drive home from the office. At some point in my commute, a fugue state took over and I fell asleep driving home on the 110 South freeway and almost wrecked the car. By the grace of God I made it home and I went to bed and stayed there for two days straight in the worst pain of my life. I went to my GP as soon as I could and was prescribed a protocol of three medicines: one to get up, one to fight inflammation, and one to sleep at night. I tried this routine for three days and it left me a groggy, sleepy, drugged mess. I needed to find a better way.

God was looking out for me once again, coincidentally during this time my husband and best friend were both introduced to MonaVie from two different sources and they both felt it would help. If you know me personally, then you know that I find anything that appears to be a "get rich quick scheme" distasteful and tacky; So when my husband and best friend introduced me to MonaVie, my first reaction wasn't one of excited anticipation. But after looking at the science behind MonaVie. . . I was impressed.Before diving in and even TASTING the juice, I did my own research. Here's what I found independent of the corporate website from Lisa Bergman, a source who runs a "scam buster" site that investigates Multi Level Marketing organizations:

What MonaVie Is

MonaVie is a proprietary blend of 19 or so fruit juices, including blueberry, cranberry, white grape and pear. But the star of the MonaVie show is a little-known Amazonian berry called acai. Sold in ready-to-drink packages or convenient concentrates, MonaVie offers, according to its distributors, "the phytonutrients and antioxidants you need".

What MonaVie Is Supposed To Do For You

The first thing that struck us in doing research for this article is the lack of "miracle" claims made about MonaVie. We couldn't find a single MonaVie website claiming that MonaVie was anything more than a highly nutritious fruit juice. And in an atmosphere full of other juice products claiming to treat everything from diabetes to the common cold, MonaVie's marketing was a very, very refreshing change.So what is MonaVie supposed to do for you? Well, Dr. Nicholas Perricone, author of The Perricone Promise and other books, calls the acai berry "nature's perfect energy fruit". Dr. Perricone and others believe that the anti-inflammatory activities of many of MonaVie's ingredients may help alleviate symptoms of arthritis, psoriasis, fibromyalgia and a host of other conditions.

What SCIENCE Says About MonaVie

Many of the various fruites and berries in MonaVie have been used for centuries to combat inflammation-related conditions and today there's mounting evidence that those ancient healers were right. A number of studies looking at blueberries, raspberries and other fruits suggest that these foods may have strong anti-inflammatory properties.Does this make MonaVie a "cure all"? Certainly not; but some of the research on MonaVie's various components is compelling, to say the least.

Lisa's Opinion of MonaVie (Lisa Bergan)

You already know that I'm not a huge fan of the multi-level-marketing approach, especially when it comes to health care products. Too often, products like MonaVie are peddled by "wellness consultants" with absolutely no education in health, herbalism or natural medicine. That sets up a potentially troubling situation in which you have unqualified "practitioners" dispensing health advice to customers who aren't aware of their lack of training. After reading this information I was even more impressed.

Still concerned about the idea of a Multi Level Marketing Program, I spoke to a high ranking distributor and was impressed by the ethical way the product was presented and the detailed product, notice I say product not SALES training distributors are given so that they present the product in the proper light and inform their consumers. I tried the juice and after 5 months, I am having more pain free and energetic days. Is my fibromyalgia gone, by no means and in times when the pain is too much to bear I still have to resort to the medicines my doctor prescribed but I don't have to take them EVERYDAY as prescribed. My skin is balanced, my hair is healthy and I feel great all around along with my friends and family who are drinking the juice too.

Not only am I happy to be feeling better myself, I am proud to support an organization who gives back to the land that gives so much to so many people through the MORE Project. If you want more information please contact me at lifeisintheberry@live.com.

Thanks for reading...God Bless
xoxo
Ebs

References:Lau, F., Bielinski, D., Joseph, J. (2006). Inhibitory effects of blueberry extract on the production of inflammatory mediators in lipopolysaccharide-activated BV2 microglia.Lansky, E., Newman, R. (2007). Punica granatum (pomegranate) and its potential for prevention and treatment of inflammation and cancer.Goncalves, F., Torres, O., Campos, A., Tambara, F., Rocha, L., Thiede, A., et al. (2006). Effect of Passiflora edulis (passion fruit) extract on rats' bladder wound healing: morphological study.Schaus, A., Wu, X., Prior, R., Ou, B., Huang, D., Ownes, J., et al. (2006). Antioxidant capacity and other bioactivities of the freeze-dried Amazonian palm berry, Euterpe oleraceae mart. (acai).

Choice

Today is a day of choice, actually we are in a season of choice. No matter if you vote yes or no; Hilary, Barack, McCain, Romney, Huckleby, or Paul, MAKE A CHOICE.

Choose to be the one who is always thirty मिनुतेस earlyor the one who always is late to make an entrance. Choose to be the one who changes the world or the one who lets change happen. Choose to be the one everyone looks at or the one who silently moves in the background. Choose to be the one who stays at home, goes to work, or the one who does both beautifully.

Whatever you choose, stand by your choice, and if it turns out your choice is wrong in someone else's eyes..............smile at them graciously and be confident your choice was right FOR YOU.

If I Were a Plastic Surgeon

If I were a plastic surgeon I would move to Newport Beach and set up a shop strictly dedicated to CORRECTIVE Surgery. I would also have a psychiatrist on staff to tell the woman with the pussy lips that more collagen would be a mistake. Why this sudden altruistic idea? Because I spent my Superbowl Sunday "behind the orange curtain" and it was not pretty! I am in no way against plastic surgery. A little nip and tuck here is fine if you feel the need to "freshen up". I wish now I had the foresight to bring my digi cam because words cannot do the scene justice but I will try

• A lady dressed from head to toe in blue leather complete with blue stilletos with cowboy fringe attached to the heel. Her nose was the size of the smallest nose in the Mr. Potatoe head playset. Her head was a teeny tiny baby head and she had pussy lips on her face
• A "lady" who used to be a man but now was a woman. We saw her leave with several men and each time after about 10 minutes the man came back looking frightened and embarassed. Ironically, the shemale had enough knowledge to forgo the pussy lips at least on his face I can't say for sure what was going on south of the border
• A lady who was going bald from bleaching her hair platinum blonde but decided that pasting extensions would help out (it didn't). She also had on a white fur shaw and matching tea cup maltese. It was raining and overcast that day so naturally she had sunglasses on. She had BIG Pussy lips (my apologies to the sopranos)
• A man with a long ponytail who was a professional network marketer. One of his companies involved the peddling of latex clothing to sex shops and porn production sites. He gave me his card and told me to call him if I wanted to model for his business cards. Sweet! A second career. Did I mention he did this right in front of my husband.
• A lady with bad hair extensions curly on top and straight at the bottom looked like she put the trash from the doggy grooming place on her head. She had "on the way to becoming" pussy lips
• A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
• A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
• A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
• A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
• A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
• A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips
• A lady with bad blonde extensions and pussy lips

Is the point clear? I thought so. Oh and I forgot the two kickers for the evening:

1. At the end several old old old old drunk ladies; their faces looked 97 but the rest of them looked 210. One of them was calling for Raymond to get on the bus and Raymond did not want to be found but that didn't keep her from bellowing and crawling on a table. sigh...she's probably someone's gammy

2. The woman who was so fascinated with men who put gel in their hair she kept touching my husband's hair to see if it was crunchy or soft. When I told her if she reached out again she'd pull back a nub she stopped.

Oh Newport Beach you're such ripe pickins for the right surgeon!

Mel's BDay NYE '08 A Recap

Happy New Years!!!!!!

I've finally recuperated enough to recap the non stop party that was Mellie's BDay and NYE.

Happy Birthday Mellie Mel! You're the only one in the world I would leave the beach for!

Winter was a live and kicking in Seattle (What was that about Global Warming?). We arrived in one piece after a midly hairy planeflight. I was jazzed to see my girl even though it was 32 degrees and raining but no worries we were there to party!

Fingers crossed and butterflies in my stomach I approached the carousel. Jev's bags came down...woo hoo! My LV Train Case came tumbling down in one piece with nothing missing...Score! But the LV Duffle, the duffle with all my expensive shoes, my workout gear and my fun fur....was missing! Damn! I am having bad karma with Sea Tac! So I go up the baggage desk to report my missing bag. The lady was nice so I was nice....but she was not quite on my same level of worry when it came to my concern for my bag and shoes. Mellie understood, Jev understood; they know how I feel about my shoes, they're like children. The lady asks if I want to wait around all day for the minimum wage paid baggage delivery man and I promptly said no please call me and I'll come down since we had to come back the next day anyway to pickup St. Louis Cher. We left the airport with me a little sad eyed but I still managed to wish Mellie Mel Happy Birthday and we were the first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I slept with my phone cradled to my ear on vibrate and on volume 10. At around 4 AM it rang; they had found my bag Whoooopeeee! St. Louis Cher was due to arrive in the afternoon so we made our plans. When we arrived at SeaTac we found St. Louis Cher and I went off to pick up my bag. I get there and I see no LV duffle among the sea of bags I ask the Supe what gives he says oh I loaded that bag for delivery. My niceness went away as my head spun around on my shoulders. I snatched his clip board from his hand and said do you see this note it says Passenger will pick up from airport. He goes oh well. I wanted to strangle him. Luckily at that time a little cart rolled by and what was on it? A bunch of luggaged...What was around the luggage? My duffle bag. I said that's my bag! Now, the cart was moving at a whopping 2.5 miles an hour but still the Supe just had to pull out his walkie talkie to tell the guy to halt. WTF? So now my bags were safe and the true fun could begin

Cher, Mel, and I laughed all the way to her house. At What? I couldn't tell you but it was hella funny at the time! We at a quick snack unpacked enough to ogle the clothes we all brought/had and started to primp for dinner, the game, and the club to celebrate Mellie Mel's BDay in style. We got all pimpled out, me in my leather pants and shirt and headed to Icon Grill, for Crack N Cheese. We swear they put Crack in their Mac N Cheese because why else do I feel the need to eat it at least twice when I'm there even though I know I will be horribly stopped up when I get back to LA? Anyway the food and the drinks were flowing freely even though our waitress was a grumpy hot mess. I had three Orange Drops which were oh so yummy and if you had of told me it was 35 degrees outside I would have laughed in your face and then probably fell down.

We all got a nice foundation buzz which I had planned to temper with the carbs from the macaroni but something was conspiring against me. I teeter tottered on Jev's arm in my 5.5 inch boots to the car and poured myself in. Off to the game well first we had to find parking. Unfortunately, we had to walk and walk and walk to the arena....oh my toes and ankle! Finally we arrive to the Team Store where I do a SuperStar a la Mary Katherine...oooh jeez that sucks luckily I'm a hot girl so I can get away with those moves...plus it was raining. I put on my best indignant face and pronounced someone really should dry this floor and put some mats down and stomped off....risking another fall...Oh Ebbie!

Walking to the seats I fall again almost taking Jev with me. Same move but I feel my leather pants getting bigger, now I remember why I don't wear them very often. They are smokin when you first put them on but loosen as the night wears on! We finally arrive at the seats a little bruised, still buzzed but ready for some fun. The teams take the floor and we proceed to forget that a game is even happening. There is so much laughter and joking plus more drinks. I do know that the Sonics lost to the Celtics and I remember clapping a few times and ducking Squatch but that's the extent of it. By the time the game was over Mel and I were starving luckily we had our leftover Crack N Cheese but NO FRIGGIN FORKS. That did not stop us we wrapped it up like a sandwich and got our grub on......It? Was Still Good Cold!

On to the club! First again, parking issues. Damn downtown Seattle! We walk....UPHILL; me still in my hookerboots with semi healed ankle and tight leather pants. The club was slightly empty the buffet we were promised was sorely missed but that did not stop my double peach vodka and cranberry...YUM; and then the double jack and coke, and then the chocolate cake shot, and then the long island, and then the other long island, and then the long island with champagne mixed in....

Oh Boy! As we drank the sheninigans ensued. At one point Jev attempted to cut me off that didn't work too well, I shamelessly crawled ON the bar...yes you read right ON the bar and asked the bartender what I could get for 10 bucks which is all Jev would let me have. That's how I ended up with a Long Island; a drink I haven't had since college. Then I knocked Mellie's beer on the floor...sorry birthday girl! We tried to clean it up but Cher's purse spilled too which resulted in her stuff being put back in her purse plus some broken beer bottle! But then Rosie from the Jetsons aka the Waitress swooped in with her mini broom and pan and helped us out.

Then Cher spilled my Long Island, the Long Island I had to pimp myself out for and bought me another one so it was all good but she bought herself one too....ooops! At that time the Sonics and Celts were in the house and one of the Celts bought us a bottle of champagne which was not the kind I drink but I didn't want to waste it so Cher and I had Champagne in our Long Islands...That? Was the beginning of the end. It was all downhill from there and the club was almost closed but we were not ready to end the party.....sigh! Cher and I wandered outside so Cher could get a smoke end and we met two midgets well not actual midgets if that were the case Cher and I would have run but two very short guys. One was rambling on and on about how beautiful I was and how he can't find any real niggas to roll with then he pulled out a fad wad of hundred dollar bills which made me wish to God I was one of those Gully Broads I always hear about in New York or the South because the whole posse could have had a shopping spree on Ebbie and Cher! But we were too drunk and too prissy to execute ANY plan...so we just left. And he looked shocked we rolled out but I did wave Bye Bye!

When we got back in it was almost time to go but I felt a bigger buzz coming on if that was even possible. By the end of the night Cher and I were singing the soundtrack to Dreamgirls and when we ran out of songs we knew from that movie we moved on to The Whiz we sang Home LOUD and BAD gurgling through the words we didn't know and tried to walk down the hill together. Jev's friend from school was there I remember giving him a hug but then I went cross eyed and that was that.

Mel decided to stay at her guy friend's house and bravely left us alone in her house. I was starving, I needed some grease really to calm me but this was Bellevue and aint shit open late there! I tried to peel a tangerine but was too drunk, I tried to open a box of triscuits...too drunk for that too! Jevvie made veggie patties and stunk up the house with the smell of broccoli, there was some mention of lemon tarts but I had passed out by then...I did wake up enough to puke but the next day was waaaaay rough.

Mel and I managed to make it through the day, we briefly took a trip to the mall where we went to Sephora and I redeemed some more worthless Beauty Insider points. My free gifts this time? A Barbie Sized lip gloss and BeneTint. After I get through the end of Fiscal Year Sephora is soooo getting a long letter from me....a long letter! Anyhoo, we picked up our goodies; Jevon redeemed his anniversary certificate for some sexy guy smell good and we bounced with a promise to return in a few days. It was time to hit to the road to Tacoma; Washington's answer to Comptom. Surprisingly, Tacoma is going through a re-org there was a bunch of cute restaurants we hit up the Crown Bar swearing not to drink. We are so undisciplined! Cher ordered a drink with many colorful layers I asked her what it was and she answered a bad idea; I sipped a Mojito while Mellie's version of not drinking was a beer! Jev was the only abstainer with Big Dre. We had many laughs; braved the cold in search of a karaoke bar (unsuccessful, thank God because that definitely would have required more drinking), and ate really well.

After we dropped Cher off, her phone rang in the car.....Her IPhone. I am a Computer Scientist and it took three unsuccessful tries for me to answer it. USC is SOOOOO asking for their degrees back. We swung a U and dropped off her phone and headed back to the city to sleep in. Mel and I did something good for our bodies and headed to the gym for a pre-funk workout which was cool. I did major ab work and had sore abs for a week; just in time for series II pole dancing....Sweet! I made my famous stuffed turkey burgers for Mellie and Jev, we watched Bowfinger giggled and went to sleep!

The next game we had another game and the promise of tater tots and corn dogs at McMinimons; for some reason they were deathly crowded and I almost missed out on my fave place. But I scored a table well actually outwalked a family and plunked down in a seat. They shot us dagger looks the rest of the evening but oh well. We did pay attention to the game this time but Mel and I sadly discovered we had forgotten our bank cards in our other party purses which cut down on our capacity to drink so we made plans to grab them at the house where I changed into some closed toe ho heels because I was suffering from frost bite by this time in my strappy sandals :-(. We headed to Joey's which is another fave of mine in the PacNorWest and I warmed up with a Strawberry Lemonade followed by several super stoked vodka and cokes. A very pretty but dangerous concotion of coke and vanilla vodka with alcohol slushie suspended in the middle flavored with black cherry.......yum!

Jev's friend joined us for dinner and lots of merriment ensued and then I fell down in the elevator because I was drunk because of the yumminess of the vodka and coke. We ordered them like free refills. Somehow we made it home and I passed out again....this is becoming a habit.

Oh New Year's Eve is here its almost time to go.....Mel and I hit up the mall I got my toes done, Mel got some color at the tanning salon....Jev slept and watched football. We packed up to go to the hotel for NYE. We arrived at the hotel and Mel's car would not start at Valet.......D'Oh! I ran to the W and got there charger and Jev did his magic. Turns out it was just the battery so that ended our sadness...Yaaaay!

We went to a sushi bar for colorful drinks that sounded good in theory but tasted like cough syrup upon execution but the sushi was good. We headed out to the game all glizted up for NYE. The game was fun and we headed out to change clothes and jam to GameWerks. Wow unlimited video games in a cocktail dress and heels.....That? Was loads of fun! We played drunk dance revolution, took an ole school ghetto pic and had a ball. I had my favorite GameWerks drink.....Zombies...Yum! But didn't turn into one.

After that, we hunted down a cab (Impossible) and headed to find food. McDonald's should have charged a cover for the drive through. We ditched the golden arches for IHOP which was ridiculous. We tried to steal a table but were caught but not thrown out. I got my pancakes and we tried to get a cab home...holy crap. Luckily a cabbie was dropping off and picked us up. We quickly changed clothes, packed our bags and headed to the airport where I passed out again! It took all of my energy to appear sober so they would let me board the plane. I slept to LA, on the way to the game and then fell asleep for a whole quarter of the game...WOW!!!! But SC won and my Trojans made me happy so it was the cherry on top of the Super Stoked Vodka and Coke! Yaaay

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!